So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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