Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
