I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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