We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
