we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
