Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
