what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
