just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
