you're like a bully in the Christmas story
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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