I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
