omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
