Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize