Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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