I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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