Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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