I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I would ride that face into the sunset
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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