i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
