Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
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Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
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OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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