Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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