Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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