This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
