____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
