Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.