so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest