Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
