Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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