I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
well you can't waste a boner
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
