Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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