you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
dude. I can hear the air.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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