My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
