Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
