he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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