i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There's always time for handjobs
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
