I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
