the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
