I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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