Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize