My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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