I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
