Me. At least after what I've been through.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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