I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I checked into jail on foursquare
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
