Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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