Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
