Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
this hospital has no fireball
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
