i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
