Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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