I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
