Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
