from now on my penis is your penis
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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