Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
