So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Barsexuality is the new black.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
