kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
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