I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
