You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
