Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
