so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
