i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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