I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
