we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
