y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
