Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
